


somebody to hold

by jude__the__dude



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, No Longer Secret Relationship, Secret Relationship, Tickling, but its mainly about cuddles and physical affection, the team doesnt make a big deal out of it tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:09:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29338839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jude__the__dude/pseuds/jude__the__dude
Summary: you really need spencer cuddles. so you go and get them.gn!reader
Relationships: Spencer Reid & Reader, Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 67





	somebody to hold

The feeling of guilt consumed you as you knocked at the door, you didn’t even know what time it was but you knew it was late. 

The case you were on was hitting you harder than usual. You woke up shaking and sweating for the sixth night in a row. You didn’t want to disturb JJ, who was sound asleep in the twin bed across from you, but you were too scared to go back to sleep. You tossed and turned for a while, but you couldn’t stop the nightmare from flashing before your eyes.

The unsub you were after was targeting men who shared many characteristics that reminded you of Spencer. All very smart, the youngest in their respective fields, multiple certifications, overall very Spencer-like. So it wasn’t far off when your mind conjured up these nightmares of the unsub getting your boyfriend.

You knew Spencer was safe and asleep in the hotel room he was sharing with Derek. You knew he was perfectly capable of protecting himself due to his FBI training and his general knowledge of all things. 

But you needed to see him. You needed to make sure he was okay. You needed to hold him and be held by him. 

So you got up, wrapped the fuzzy little blanket you always had in your go-bag around your shoulders, and quietly left the room and went down the hall. 

You knocked gently three times and prayed that it woke up Spencer and not Derek. Your prayers were not answered as the door opened to reveal none other than Agent Morgan.

He was squinting when he opened the door. “This better be important.” He mumbled.

“I’m sorry,” you winced, “can I come inside?”

Derek’s eyes widened when he finally opened them and saw the state you were in. “What happened? Are you okay?” He frowned and his eyes softened. “Why are you crying, y/n?”

You furrowed your brows in confusion as you brought your hand up to your cheeks, and, just as Derek said, you were crying. “Shit, I am crying.” You mumbled to yourself. “I’m okay, everything’s fine. I’m sorry I woke you.”

Derek opened the door wider and motioned for you to come in. “What’s going on, y/n?”

“I’m sorry, I just-” You sighed in relief when you saw Spencer curled up in his bed. “I need Spencer.”

Slowly walking over to the bed, you gently peeled back the covers and climbed in next to your boyfriend. The movement woke him up, but he was still very groggy. His confused expression quickly melted into relief when he saw that it was you climbing into his bed. “Hey love, what’s wrong?” He asked as he lifted his arm for you to slot yourself into your favorite cuddling position.

“Bad dream.” You mumbled into his neck, wrapping your arms around his waist and your legs around his hips. “Needed you.”

He was so warm and soft and he always knew how to hold you just right. You felt protected and safe and so incredibly loved. And you were enveloped by the smell of the person dearest to you. The sheer amount of emotions you were feeling led you to squeeze Spencer a little more tightly as a small sob escaped your throat.

“Hey, it’s alright.” Spencer lulled, hand softly stroking your head in its place against his shoulder. “I’m right here, love.” He whispered. “Always.” He trailed a few kisses from your ear down to your shoulder as he waited for you to calm down.

Derek heard the whispered interaction from afar as he walked back towards his own bed. He couldn’t really hear much, but he could tell that it was a private moment. It didn’t even cross your mind how weird this must be for him, as, until a minute ago, he knew the two of you to be close friends who didn’t know they were in love with each other. Apparently he needed to brush up on his profiling skills, because that was obviously not the case.

If you weren’t in such a state, and if he wasn’t so proud of Spencer, he might have found this unprofessional and a little strange. But he considered you, and everyone else on the team, family. Nothing really constituted as unprofessional after everything you’d all been through together. And he knew how hard you were taking this case. He also knew if he needed anything from his Garcia and she was right down the hall, nothing would stop him from going to her. 

The next morning was less awkward and more driven. Derek woke up to see you sitting on Spencer’s bed. The running water in the bathroom made it clear where Spencer was. 

“Morning.” He grumbled, voice still thick with sleep.

“Hey, you’re up.” You smiled before looking down into your lap. “Sorry about last night.”

“You don’t need to apologize, l/n.” Derek shook his head at you sympathetically. “I know this case has been hard on you.”

“No kidding.” You chuckled dryly. 

“How many nights?”

You knew he was asking about the nightmares. Based on how worried he looked when he saw you last night, you could probably infer that you looked pretty out of it.

“Um, last night would be the sixth?” 

“So, since we got here?”

“Uh yeah, you can say that.” You squeezed your eyes shut and rubbed both your hands down your face. “I needed to see him. To know that he was okay. I tried so hard not to- not come barging in here so many times. I couldn’t last night, though.”

“I understand.” Derek nodded. “I’d feel the same if I wasn’t sharing a room with him. I know he’s capable of protecting himself, but I can’t say that seeing him right in front of me every night and knowing that he’s safe doesn’t help.”

Derek watched you for a moment, he saw how your eyes kept flitting towards the bathroom door. You really needed Spencer. “You know, we can switch rooms-”

“No no, it’s really not that bad.” You shut him down quickly. “I’m just being dramatic. I see him all day, and this building is full of officers. And he’s sharing a room with you, so I really don’t know why I’m so worried.” You chuckled.

“Right.” He nodded just as the bathroom door opened.

Spencer walked out in his trousers and his undershirt, running a towel through his wet hair. “Didn’t finish the hot water.”

“Thanks, man.” Derek patted Spencer on the shoulder as he headed for the bathroom. “I will see y’all at the precinct.”

And with that, the two of you were left alone.

“Hey.” You smiled at Spencer as he shrugged on his button up shirt. 

“Hey, love.” Spencer smiled at you, eyes still barely open. You pushed yourself off the bed and approached him, gently pushing his fingers away from the buttons. Spencer sighed and watched as you focused on dressing him. Spencer wasn’t a child, he didn’t need help getting dressed before work. But he knew how tough this case was on you, and if buttoning him up was helping you cope, then he wasn’t going to get in the way of that. “I love you, you know that?”

You blinked and looked into his eyes, your own a little misty. “I love you more.”

“I love you most.”

“Yeah well,” you huffed and narrowed your eyes at him, “I love you mostest.”

“My love, we’ve been over this.” Spencer rolled his eyes jokingly. “Mostest isn’t a word, therefore I win. You cannot possibly love me as much as I love you.” 

Spencer almost fell over from the force the hug you crushed him into. “That’s not true,” you whispered, “I’m so in love with you. I’m so in love with you that I’m always scared of losing you. I mean, constantly. Is that weird?”

“Actually, some studies have estimated that about zero point nine to one point nine percent of adults have a separation anxiety disorder, while others estimate that it impacts around six point six percent of adults. Participants of the study even mentioned that it got worse when they were in serious relationships.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” You sighed heavily and rested your cheek against the genius’s chest. “If we don’t catch the guy today, last night’s events might reoccur.”

“I know, sweetheart.” Spencer spoke as he brought his arms around you, one around your waist and the other around your shoulders, resting his hand protectively against the back of your head. “We can kick Derek out, if you’d like?”

You chuckled and shook your head. “No, he can stay. Besides, I’d much rather we get this over with today so we can just go home.”

“Me too, my love, me too.”

With a sigh, you begrudgingly pulled away from Spencer and smiled. “Alright then, I’ll see you at the precinct?”

“That you will.” Spencer smiled softly at you and cupped your cheek. “Would you like me to make you your coffee?”

“If you don’t mind, my genius, that would be amazing.” Scooping up your fuzzy blanket off of where it landed on the floor, you started headed towards the door. “See you in a bit, my love.”

The click of the door closing and the sound of your footsteps walking away were the only things keeping Spencer company now. He slipped on his blazer in silence as he shuffled into his shoes.

Goal of the day: end this goddamn case.

Fourteen hours later, Spencer’s goal was achieved. As soon as the news broke that the unsub was in custody, Spencer immediately started searching for you in the police precinct. JJ clocked him looking around, eyes tender at what she was bearing witness to. 

That morning at the precinct, Derek pulled her aside to explain to her where you had disappeared late last night. JJ woke up later than usual and had just assumed that you had already beat her to it. But what Derek told her made much more sense. She had been privy to your nightly struggles but didn’t know how to approach it. The two of you weren’t close and JJ didn’t want you to feel as though she was invading your privacy. She considered telling Spencer about it, but it seemed that you had the same line of thinking.

“l/n’s in the break room reviewing evidence with Hotch.” She nodded her head towards the evidence room. Spencer’s shoulders relaxed and he smiled at her with a quick ‘thanks’ as he speed walked out of the room. 

Spencer popped his head through the door with two knocks on the frame and smiled at the two of you. “They got him.”

“Really?” You beamed, eyes wide with relief and disbelief. “How?”

“Got stopped for speeding and he had the right caliber gun in the glove compartment.” Hotch raised an eyebrow at him, knowing he had more to say. “Oh yeah, and the missing hand was in the backseat.” 

Hotch’s stony expression gave way to a chuckle and the shake of his head before it came back. “Go get some rest. Hopefully, we’ll be home by dinner.”

You excused yourself from the evidence room after your business with Hotch was done and went to look for Spencer. He was sorting through files, what needed to stay and what needed to come with. “Hey, need some help?”

“Actually, I’m done.” Spencer looked up at you. “How about you?”

“Just finished with Hotch, just waiting on a few documents I need to take with me. Shouldn’t be long now.”

“What do you wanna do until takeoff? One of the officers was telling JJ about this all-day-breakfast place that’s really popular here and it reminded me of you.” Spencer explained as he slipped a few files into his satchel.

“You need to stop being so cute,” you chuckled, “I’m already in love with you.”

A blush rose up from Spencer’s chest all the way to his ears. “I wasn’t- that wasn’t what I-”

“Relax, Spence. I was kidding. You’re just really sweet, is all.”

Spencer furrowed his brows and cocked his head to the side. “Sweet is a… sweet is a good thing, right?”

“It’s the best thing, my genius.” You answered, looping your arm around his elbow and beginning to head out to the bullpen. You passed by an officer who gave you a few papers and you nodded in thanks to her. “All set. And about the breakfast place, I mean it really does sound great, but would you…”

“Would I what?” Spencer urged you on, already kind of knowing what you were going to ask.

You bit your lip and shrugged. “Do you wanna maybe go back to the hotel and-”

“And cuddle?” 

You looked up at him with wide eyes. “I knew you were a genius, but you never told me you could read minds?”

Spencer laughed loudly, drawing the attention of the police officers near the doors.  
“Isn’t that what a profiler is?”

The meaningless yet so incredibly meaningful chatter continued all the way to the hotel room. Both of you removed layer by layer of clothing, tossing them to the side to be folded and packed later. Spencer silently handed you one of his oversized sleep shirts when he saw you sitting on the bed in wait, only in your underwear.

He laid back in the bed and pulled you into his chest. You clung to him and peppered kisses all along his jawline

“Hey, that tickles.” Spencer giggled, not doing much to pull away from you. “y/n!” When you didn’t stop, he slowly trailed his fingers up to your ribcage and attacked.

“Ah! Spencer!” You burst out in peals of laughter. “Please! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again! Ple-hease!”

“You started it.” Spencer smirked. 

“Truce! Truce, please Spe-hencer!” You squealed as he finally let up. “Two more seconds of that and I would’ve peed my pants.”

Spencer snorted and wrapped his arms around your shoulders. “I love you. So much.” He sighed. “I know this case has been tough on you, but you did so well. I’m so proud of you.” 

“Thank you, my love.” You smiled at him. “I know it couldn’t have been easy on you. With the victims being so much like you. I get queasy when victims are in my age range, I can’t imagine how you felt these past few days.”

“It was alright.” He shrugged. ”I knew you’d protect me.”

“We would all do anything for you, Spencer. Always remember that.”

“I know, and so would I. I just know that with you, it’s different.” He blushed as he spoke. 

“Because I love you.”

“Because you love me.” A bashful smirk spread over his face along with the blush. “I can’t believe it sometimes.”

“Can’t believe what?” You asked, wanting him to say the words. 

“That you love me. I never thought…” Spencer paused as he articulated his thoughts. “I never thought I would get that. Someone who loves me as much as I love them.”

“Spencer…” You cooed. 

“No, not in that way. In the beginning of our relationship, actually even before then when we were friends, I fully believed that I loved you more than I’ve loved anyone. And I thought that there was no possible way that you loved me like that. But I wasn’t seeing the signs. I was too enamored by you to notice the things you were doing for me. Over time, it has become exceedingly clear that you love me as much as I love you. And it’s scary. But it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world.”

As soon as he stopped speaking, you pulled him into a kiss. You had always heard of conveying emotions and feelings through a kiss. You had never known how to explain to Spencer how much he means to you through words, no matter how hard you tried. So you hoped this kiss was doing just that. 

You tried so hard to stay awake, you didn’t want to wake up last minute before takeoff because you still had a few things to pack. But Spencer was so warm. And you felt so safe. You didn’t even feel yourself drifting into unconsciousness. 

“y/n, my love.” Spencer's soft voice slowly pulled you out of your slumber. “You’ve got a couple minutes to change, come on.”

“What?” You sleepily rubbed your eyes. “A couple minutes? Shit, I didn’t pack my stuff.”

“I packed your bag, all you gotta do is get dressed.”

“What would I do without you, my genius?” You smiled dreamily (drowsily) at him. 

Spencer grinned as he slipped on his shoes. “I think you’d fare just fine.”

Derek came into the room a few minutes after you had finished getting dressed. “Ready to go home?” He asked as he pulled his bag out of the closet. 

“So ready.” You responded, grabbing yours and Spencer’s go bags and standing by the door. Derek tossed a few bits and bobs into his bag and joined you. 

“Morgan, are you driving?” Spencer asked as he slipped his satchel around his neck and Derek nodded. “Then I guess we’re with you.” 

The drive to the jet was quiet, but not uncomfortably so. Derek and Spencer chatted idly in the front, leaving you in the backseat to fully regain consciousness. 

Upon your arrival to the jet, you rushed to the two front facing seats at the front of the plane. Hotch and Rossi sat in the two chairs across the aisle from you while Derek, JJ, and Emily sat together in the four seater behind you. You could hear Derek telling the others that he was going to call Garcia on his laptop, but you were too comfortable to move. You had laid your head on Spencer’s shoulder when he sat down next to you and he laid his head on top of yours. 

You were going to see Garcia when you arrived anyways, you thought as you fell asleep on Spencer’s shoulder. 

“Are they asleep?” Derek mouthed to Rossi. 

“They’re out.” Rossi responded out loud and everyone let out a sigh of relief. “You think they’re gonna explain this away as being close friends.”

“No way!” Derek exclaimed loudly, leading everyone, including Hotch, to shush him. “That is not close friends' activities.”

“Says chocolate thunder.” Emily snickered. 

“Hey, what Morgan and I have is different and you know it.” Garcia’s voice came from the laptop speakers. 

“I heard them say the L word at the precinct.” JJ confessed. 

“The L word.” Emily raised her eyebrows. “Must be serious, then.”

“They’re already at L word level and we didn’t even know anything was happening.” Garcia spoke, somewhat in shock. 

“It’s not any of our business, anyways.” Hotch said. 

“Hotch…” Emily’s tone was suspicious. “What do you know?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sir, you only say that when you know something.” Garcia grinned. “How long?”

“How long what?” Hotch tried to hide his smirk, he really did. 

“Just tell them, Aaron.” Rossi chuckled. 

“Alright, alright.” He smiled. “Since the fifth.” No one said anything, knowing there was more to it. “Of December.”

“What?!” Garcia screamed, but Derek had anticipated this and had lowered the volume on the laptop. “It’s February!”

“Three months. Wow.” JJ sighed. “And they were already practically married before then.”

No one said anything for a few minutes as they all processed this new information. Hotch was the first one to speak up. 

“The only reason this does not reflect badly on your profiling skills is because they are profilers themselves. But I would suggest a few classes to brush up on your skills.” Everyone chuckled lightheartedly. “Otherwise, let’s not make a big deal of this. Understood?” Everyone nodded. “Garcia?”

“Ugh.” She groaned. “Yes fine, understood. I won’t make a big deal out of it or whatever.”

“Glad we’re all in agreement.

You woke up to the feeling of slight turbulence, you looked around and saw that only Hotch and Spencer were awake. “Hey, you’re up.” Spencer smiled, giving you a slight squeeze in the side hug position you were in.

“Yeah.” You yawned. “I feel like every time I sit down, I end up falling asleep.”

“You haven’t been sleeping properly for the past few days, so that’s probably a good thing.” Spencer spoke as he traced patterns on your shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess so.” You nodded. “How long until we land?”

“Shouldn’t be long before the pilot announces our descent.” True to Spencer’s word, only a few minutes later did the pilot’s crackly voice come through the overhead speakers. This woke up the rest of the team, and everybody set to grabbing their surrounding belongings and buckling in.

“Reid!” Morgan called out from behind you.

“Yeah?”

“Bet you five bucks that Garcia’s waiting at the elevator.” Morgan grinned mischievously.

“No way!” Spencer laughed. “She’s always at the elevator.”

Less than an hour later, you were all in the elevator heading upwards. Garcia greeted you all as soon as you stepped out, surprising no one and eliciting a few chuckles and giggles. After you all sorted what needed to stay at the office and what needed to come home, she started her hugging ritual. Garcia was the first to notice how similar Spencer was to the victims and she did not like it one bit. So she hugged Spencer a little harder than she normally would, after asking his permission of course. 

Then came your turn. “How are you, my sweet?” She whispered into your ear.

“Glad to be home.” You sighed. You smiled softly at her, trying to portray your gratefulness to her as best you could. “And so tired.”

“Let’s get you to bed, then.” Spencer said, taking your free hand into his.

“Yeah, I’m ready if you are.” He told you he was ready and slowly started walking towards the elevator with you in tow. “We’ll see you guys on Monday.”

“See you, l/n.” Derek sent you a salute.

“Please do not contact me for the next 48 hours. Actually, I will be throwing my phone into the ocean!” You grinned as you stepped onto the elevator.

“You are doing no such thing.” Spencer shook his head and chuckled.

“I will not be throwing my phone into the ocean.” You sighed, waving as the elevator doors closed.

“So they’re really together, huh?” Garcia asked in disbelief.

“They sure are.” Derek grinned.

“l/n printed the forms today. Should be official on Monday.” Hotch said. “See you all then and hopefully not sooner.”

A chorus of ‘see you’s rang through the team as Hotch stepped onto the second elevator as it arrived,followed by Emily and Rossi.

“Fuck, they’re too cute.” JJ cursed.

“I didn’t want to be the one to say it, but they are!” Garcia squealed. “They are perfect for each other!”

“You should’ve seen them that night, all cuddled up.” Derek said as he pulled out his phone. “Took some pictures. They’ll thank me later.”

**Author's Note:**

> did i look up the difference between button up and button down for this? u bet i did. also the trope where the team makes a big deal about their relationship always makes me wince so i didn’t do that, hope u dont mind. also what floor is the bau on? i couldve sworn it was the seventh but i cant find evidence to prove it??? anywaysssss i really hope u guys liked this one. ik im not the most consistent with uploading but my love for spencer started at a rough time in my life and that rough time has yet to end. i hope you guys understand. i kinda wrote this piece for myself first and foremost, but i hope it helps any of you if this is the kind of thing u needed.
> 
> much love, jude
> 
> p.s. feedback is always appreciated my loves xx


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